A CELEBRATION OF THE MOST VACUOUS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN IN AMERICAN HISTORY
masher@penetratinginsightsintotheobvious.com

For comments please visit us at:

WILLIAM AYERS JOINS OBAMA CAMPAIGN

CHICAGO (PIO) -- After several years of dodging the press, unrepentant former terrorist William Ayers has joined the Barack Obama campaign and started to tour on behalf of the Democratic presidential nominee, seemingly more concerned with helping his ideological brother than in continuing to hide.
"Stomping on Old Glory at grade schools and campaign stops across the country makes me feel alive again," said Ayers, a distinguished professor of education at the University of Illinois at Chicago, "The truth about this wretched nation needs to come out now more than ever and I'm so happy Barry brought me on board to shore up the left while he fakes right." Indeed, many on the right side of the political spectrum question whether or not Ayers has been the mastermind behind the sudden rise of Obama.
"'Some guy from the neighborhood' doesn't just willy-nilly put you in charge of 160 million smackers. Of course I created Barry and I can destroy him, too," said the former bomb designer for the notorious Weather Underground, who put Obama in charge of the Chicago Annenberg Challenge educational grants and became an inspiration to terrorists worldwide who copied his method of packing bombs with nails
to maximize casualties. In 1970, just such a bomb -- meant to kill soldiers at a dance at Fort Dix, New Jersey -- killed Ayers' then girlfriend Diana Oughton and two other associates.
"I love this man as much as I loved killing Jews," says former Palestinian terrorist, Achmed Azziz, who recently opened a nail salon on Chicago's South Side, "America is truly the land of the free! Where else can you conduct a campaign of bombings intended to kill hundreds, get off scot-free and launch the career of the next president?!"
After the death of his wealthy father last year, Ayers was at a momentary loss. Thomas Ayers, the former Commonwealth Edison chairman and CEO, was just as integral to Chicago machine politics as the Daley family and instigated the younger Ayers' original rebellion. "Billy projected his teenage anger onto an entire country," said childhood sweetheart Carrie Oakey, "And it hardly helped when he caught me banging the old coot." Still, Ayers is grateful for another opportunity to spread his views about the evils of America and capitalism to a new generation, some of whom have had the audacity, as he calls it, to question whether a man who proudly desecrates the American flag should be teaching would-be teachers how to teach the nation's children.
"Would you rather I stop wearing an American flag pin on my lapel?" asked Ayers, who vowed to lead his alter ego to victory on November 4th.